The lunch-time massacre

The event you are about to read about is an account of a tragedy which befell a college student at lunch. If he lives a very long life, he could not have wished or expected to see the horror that occurred that day in the cafeteria. For him, an idyllic lunch turned into a nightmare.

Ok, ok, enough of that. Here it is. So this week, I was eating with a freind from Sequatchie for lunch in the caf. I started to get up and take my stuff to the garbage and wasn't planning on returning. She then told me she was going to talk to some freshman from her town. So I decided to go with her and introduce myself, since earlier in the summer Marissa suggested to me that there were some nice girls attending TWC. So we switch names and I went on to the rest of my day.

Today, as I was sitting with a different group of friends I noticed she walked in. Now normally to just strike up conversation without making it seem obvious, you plan your steps to meet them at the drink station. Or something like that to just make it seem casual. (Maybe I'm just neurotic.) But there was a problem: what the flip was her name? I racked my brain for quite a while just trying to at least think of the letter her name started with! (Now entering desperate mode.) I quickly concocted a "Seinfeld-ish" scheme with a couple of my friends in which I could discreetly find out her name. The plan was: I take a friend up to her, we bump into each other, I introduce the friend, "Hey, this is ~!@#." Then the friend would say "What's your name?" or "Nice to meet you, what was your name?" Then the girl with no name would give us her name, and...... I would at least know her name! So we waited for the opportunity to arise, just like cops waiting for a perp to make a drug deal. Suddenly I noticed her getting up. "Get up! We have to go now!"

Going up there, I should have, with the little common sense I posess, figured out that the situation was miles from ideal. There were far too many people. She looked as if she were in a hurry. My partner was not that into the plan. (Piss up a flag pole)! I'm cringing just writing this; re-living the moment.) First off, she didn't see me. I had to say her name, TWICE. Secondly, there were people between us. So I was having to talk rather loudly, "HEY! DO YOU KNOW MY FREIND, ~!@# ?" My friend by the way, was no longer by my side, but behind this girl. So, in order, it was me, people filing through, the girl with no name, and then my friend. My friend was not even by me, but behind her, laughing his head off, going the other way. So she had to turn around and see who, for some reason, I was asking if she knew him? Jeeeeez, it was brutal. And I know brutal; I had a dog attack my face. So I know brutal. She replied "Yeah, I think we've met before. Well, I'll see you later." As I stood frozen in horror, I started to come through and realize what just happened. I gathered my thoughts and realized I should probably stop standing in that same spot, to protect myself from any more embarassing attention. I started making my way back to the table replaying the events in my head. But then I looked up and saw my partner had told the table what happened, and quickly readied my self for the sure-to-come avalanche of ridicule.

To tell you the truth, I don't think she put much thought into this incident. But it haunted me the rest of the day. To make matters worse all my friends were laughing it up, while I felt like I just wanted to disapear instantly. I was so stunned from how badly it went, that as I was leaving the caf I started dropping my stuff. Dropping my stuff in front of the dean and the head of student life. All this did was further add to my embarrassment, and I know I came off as frazzled to them.

This was one of the more embarassing moments in my recent history, and I can't recall feeling this akward around a girl since middle school. I'm sure it was funny to watch, but going through it was a massacre.